Those cleaning tricks I mentioned a few posts below? Time to try them out, people. In Florida, we’re stuck inside because of the rain, and I know you northerners are not out playing in the snow (let’s be real here), so get to polishing and perfecting your abode. On the plus, once you do all of these you can invite people over and not be embarrassed by the underwear and shirt peeking out from beneath the ottoman.
I don’t know about you, but I am constantly on the lookout for all-inclusive resorts that aren’t going to cost me $15,000 for the week. Travel Wisely has a great list of them, as well as several other resorts around the country that are both ritzy and affordable. Time to plan your next vacay, stat.
If you’re up north, you’re totally going ‘wtf.’ I know, I can somewhat imagine what it’s like. Well, not really, since I’m stuck in perpetual 80-degree weather, but whatever, I’ll empathize the best I can. I’ve thought up some things for you to do, because I do many of these when it’s too hot to step foot outside. Let’s unite under our weird weather and share some common ground in these activities, shall we?
1. Try Your Hand at Cooking
Appropriate hashtag: #yolo. Try not to burn your kitchen down, and try not to accidentally poison yourself and the people you’re feeding. Scrambled eggs are the best starting point. If you’re feeling yourself that day, try something cool like Red Wine Roast Chicken. You’d be surprised how fun cooking is when you don’t have much else to do.
It’s weird to me that this actually works, because I usually don’t buy into the whole ‘moving your living room around will release good energy.’ But it really does. You’ll feel a burst of change and refreshment. Seriously, it’s cool. You’ll feel like everything is new just because it’s in a new spot, and it’ll give you a fresh start for spring without having to do any spring cleaning.
3. Beautify Yourself
Gal or guy, it’s the perfect time to try out that sunless tanner that’s been sitting on your shelf for the last few months. Or whiten your teeth. Or, if you’re feeling risky, color your hair at home (#yolo again? Is that annoying?). Regardless, sometimes a spa day – no matter what your gender – is necessary and much needed.
4. Online Shop
This one is risky. If you’re absolutely bored out of your mind, I definitely don’t recommend it because you’ll spring-clothing yourself into debt. But it’s a good way to pass the time, and if you had extra spending money that’s just sitting around now that you can’t go out and spend it, hit up H&M and refresh your wardrobe a little.
5. Start a Blog
What better time than now? Some blogs are completely viral and raking in big bucks in 12 months time, who’s to say yours won’t be next?
Blogilates is my go-to for indoor workouts, but there are literally hundreds of options on the internet. Burpees can burn up to a thousand calories in just thirty-minutes, and if you tried your hand at cooking, it’s time to get to it!
7. Have a Weather Get Together
I just made that up. It rhymed, so I couldn’t not say it. Anyway, having a guy or girl’s day is one of the best ways to enjoy a snowstorm or other shitty-weather situation. Play in the snow, play pool inside, play board games, watch movies all day long, have a potluck. Bad weather is always best when shared with others.
8. Make Something
Have your first “Nailed it!” Pinterest-moment, or literally nail it and make something cool for your house. Make an organized shelf for your spice cabinet, try out those weird cleaning tips that swear to work better than anything else, turn your plain bathroom mirror into something amazing using crown molding. The options are literally endless.
9. Organize Your Clothes/Closet
Get together all of the clothes you no longer wear and fold them into piles to donate. It’s something we all need to do, I’m sure, and it’s for a good cause. Plus it will leave room in your closet for new clothes for spring (once the weather catches up).
10. Go Sledding
If you’re over staying in the house, just screw it and go outside. Bundle up and embrace these last few days of winter weather. Hit up the closest park or hill and go sledding. Play with your dog in the snow. Play with your friends in the snow. Just soak it all in, even if you can’t stand it anymore.
Is anyone else tired of the “50 Reasons Florida is the Best State to Live In” posts? Because I am. Let’s show them why they’re wrong.
1. The Weather
Don’t let those other articles manipulate you into thinking we enjoy balmy, tropical weather year round. The proper description is, “so hot you don’t even go outside, and so humid you can’t breathe.” The only time it feels balmy and tropical is at night, and you’ll be sleeping so you don’t even bother with it. It is so humid you cannot even imagine it. Literally, you cannot imagine it until you experience it. It might not be too hot out, but the humidity will have you sweating as soon as you step outside.
2. The Drivers
I know every state has their own genre of driver, but the genre known as ‘Florida Driver‘ is something to reckon with, and at this point it’s nationally known. There is no medium ground. You’re either old and can’t hit the right pedal (or speed limit) or irritable to the point that you might one day whip out a gun when someone switches into your lane. You may even be trying to rationalize those moments when you sped past that poor old lady, or flipped off someone for going 78 in the fast lane instead of 80. Don’t – just let them be. You’re in Florida, it’s fine.
3. The Lack of Seasons
I don’t think anyone really grasps this until you’re actually living here. So many articles praise Florida for it’s year round summer, and that’s annoying. We’re not Hawaii. Our summer kills off any remaining elderly drivers, and it’s literally so hot that people pass out walking up from the beach and to their cars. The scenery truly never changes. Everything is 100% flat. Foliage is never not green. The site of brown leaves are just oak trees molting before they spit pollen all over everything – it’s rude.
We may be a swing state and have important elections and what-not, but Rick Scott is our Governor. What else really needs to be said. Some may like him, but his sordid past is so ‘Florida’ in the eyes of everyone else in the country. Thanks, Rick.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read how diverse the wildlife is in the Everglades. Please, go spend a week there and tell me how many animals you see. I’ll tell you: an alligator and a few birds. You might get lucky and see one of the giant pythons that are running rampant and killing everything off, but usually, the only wildlife we see in abundance are bugs. Lowry Park Zoo has the best selection of wildlife in the state, and who really cares if the animals are transplants.
6. There is only so much to do.
To everyone outside of the state, we sound like the place to be. Beaches, water, beaches, water. Do you see a pattern? There are no mountains, no change of scenery no matter where you travel in the entire state. Only beaches, and some have brown water instead of blue. There is also shopping, and parks that all look the same. That’s about it. Everyone I know is either shopping, at the mall, at the beach, or at a movie.
7. No Public Transport
We are frequently grouped with NY and LA, and yet we have zero public transport system. No train lines, and obviously no subway because that’s not even a possibility for us. We have to have a car to get anywhere. It sucks, gas is expensive, and traffic is a nightmare.
Still want to move here? There are cons to any area, but those in Florida seem to be swept under the rug against the grandeur of our “year ’round vacation lifestyle.” It gets old, fast, but it’s worth trying at least once.
I’m sure you’ve been victim to what I’m talking about, no matter where you live. You’re slowly bumbling along, looking for that open spot when some asshole almost flips your car because ‘class is starting soon.’ It’s doesn’t even need to be said, you can just tell by the way they’re driving that they’re more important than you because they have a 10:52am class, when yours begins at 10:50am. The parking lot is their ocean, and you’re the minnow. They’ll shamelessly push you out of a spot and then smile at you as they lock their doors, because you know they’re running late, so all is forgiven. Right? No. This experience irritating enough to garner a list of bullet points that every university student needs to know before braving the treacherous waters known as Student Parking.
1. Stay with the flow of traffic. If you drive at the law-mandated speed, you’re never going find a spot. Time to grow some balls and floor it. 30mph is the norm – don’t worry, people will get out of your way.
2. Learn to steal. If you don’t do it, it will be done to you. You’ll be waiting 5+ minutes for some slow idiot to finally start their car and back out, and someone who left their house 4 minutes before class will swoop in and steal your spot. Aspire to be like them.
3. Leave pleading notes to parking enforcement when you can’t find a spot. Let’s be real, we’ve all done this. Most of the time it’s a genuine, frantically scribbled two-page note (that you’ll plaster across your entire dashboard) explaining how you have been looking for parking for 30 minutes and can’t find a spot so you parked in employee parking instead. Their lots are perpetually less-than-half full, but parking enforcement will still slap you down with a $45 ticket if you park in the ‘E’ lot somewhat near your building instead of the empty student lot 36 miles away. Whatever. They need to be more sympathetic, and your desperate note will sway them.
4. Get out of the way. Or die… Maybe. People are ruthless. They are here to PARK, goddammit, and you better get the hell out of the way, lowly pedestrian. Put some pep in your step and New-York-City-walk your way out of that parking lot and to safety, and always sprint past any empty spots that line your path.
5. When in doubt, just pay. The meters on campus are usually not out-of-this-world expensive. They are there for moments when you cannot do any of the above, which is probably (lets face it) what the university is hoping will happen. You can take your time, pick a spot, and pay $4.00 for
one-hour five-hours of parking!
6. If you’re not on campus at 8am, just fuck it. The lots fill up with the sunrise. If you’re on campus at 3pm, I don’t know what to tell you other than it’s time to put your game face on. And by game face, I mean road rage. Blow by pedestrians, flip people off, and shamelessly blow the mirror off the parked car next to your spot as you squeal in at breakneck speed. After all, we college students occasionally get points off for excessive tardiness, and parking is not a justifiable excuse.
Here’s how much my university made off of parking decals, fines, and pay-by-space machines back in 2008-2009. Be fearless in your parking game.